Dreaming Of You

It's time to confess..
And I mean serious business here, no jokes. So, you still have time to close this tab.


I lost my grandmother in 2009, to a bloody heart attack (that sneaky heart muscle). Being very close to her, it was hard on me. And her death, being the very first death I ever experienced, was... well...  I am still in shock, that she is not with us anymore. She was a friend, a sweet, caring and lovable grandmother, anyone could ever ask for. More than anything, she was an awesome human being. It's hard to talk about her sometimes. It's difficult to discuss or even write about it. But here I am writing, because I want to get it out of me.


It's been more than three years...  We have moved on, I have moved on... busy in our lives... Thinking about her, on every sad/happy moments. Talking about her (which is the hardest of all!). Imagining her reactions/actions to certain things, comparing it to ours. Always wishing she was still here. Always thinking "She died too soon". But it's her "Dream appearances", that makes me happy, and at times, even bothers me. I don't know what they say of, someone who you knew died and appears in your dreams, thing. But, I knew there probably are myths about it, too. So out of curiosity, I google-d (which we all do, whenever we don't have an answer to a question). This is what I found;

"Dreams in which dead people appear are sometimes expressive of our attempts to deal with our feelings, guilt or anger in connection with the person who died; or our own feelings about death. When someone close to us dies we go through a period of change from relating to them as an external reality, to meeting and accepting them as alive in our memories and inner life." (source)

Well, if we look at it that way, I sort of agree! That may be her constant appearances, in my dream, is because I am still coming to terms with her loss. Sometimes, the dreams are so realistic, I wake up crying and that ache in the heart of loosing her, returns. It drives me crazy at time, makes me restless and ache for her love, again.  Some even freak me out! You know, when you dream and then forget all about it ? Well not so much with me, when it comes to dreaming about her. I remember all the dreams, so clearly. But I always refuse to talk about them, because, in most she is alive and it's harder to deal with. There are times, when I dream of her, maybe once a month ? And then, there are times when I dream of her thrice in one night.


I guess, we'll see when we see, how her memories stay with me in the coming times. And I think I'll leave it to time only, to see how well I can cope with this. All I wish and hope for is, her happiness, good health, and even more love than she got in this lifetime, from us. I love you Dadima, and miss you dearly!


Jai Seeta Ram! The phrase I only ever used with you, and will forever be with you..


Beautiful lady, with a beautiful soul...

The charming person that she was, always smiling!!


PS: Title courtesy @alienmeatsack (twitter). Personally, I couldn't have thought of a better title. Have a happy day, All!



Updated (13/02/2011) : It's very hard to see Bauji (grandfather), talk to a picture of Dadima (grandmother). Asking her to come back, and then replying "Ok, so you won't come back ?!". It's hard to imagine, how much "he" misses her. Hug your loved ones today/tonight, and let them know you love them.


Love & Peace
Shruti

Comments

  1. Wow. What a beautiful post. We should talk about this sometime. I have very vivid dreams about my Richard. I know he's talking to me. Hard for me to talk about with people who haven't had the same dreams like me and you!

    ReplyDelete
  2. @Allie Gresham
    Thank you beautiful, for leaving a comment and sharing with me how you feel too. We must talk about it! xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm really sorry for your loss. If it means anything time does help. I blog as well and penned a post titled FOREVER MISSED which is basically a site you can remember your gran by. Have a look at it. Cheers

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  4. @http://currychick.wordpress.com/ Hi Samanthra! Thank you for sharing your post, not everyone understands this feeling, so it's good to interact with those who do. Time is the best healer, and we eventually do move on, however that ache never leaves our hearts.

    For anyone else reading this, I encourage you to read her post here - https://currychick.wordpress.com/2016/05/06/845/

    ReplyDelete

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